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Sunday Story…Amends

Sunday Story…Amends

Last week was Father’s day and I resisted wring a paean to my Father. I have done it before and will probably do it again. My Father has passed. I think of him often and not just on Father’s day. I often ask myself what he would do in any particular situation.

I was lucky enough to tell my Father that everything good and honorable about me came from him and my mother. The stuff that’s not so hot is all mine, a product of my own wrongheaded-ness and stinking thinking.

If you have people in your life you have not made amends with, do it now. One of the worst things that can happen is for one of you to pass on without clearing the air between you. It is the things we didn’t do that we regret. And this is one you can’t fix. Make amends.

What I am talking about is taking responsibility for your part of the relationship. For the part you played in the mis-communication, for the pieces of non-communication that didn’t take places, for the boundaries you overstepped (your own). Trying to talk to people from beyond the grave is just too difficult so…do it now. And now is important since you never know what may happen to prevent that communication in the future.

A dear friend of mine had a tumultuous relationship with her mother for most of her adult life. When she finally had a chance to make amends her mother’s dementia just did not allow that clearing conversation to take place. When her mother died, her grief was so great that she retreated from the world for almost 2 years. It was a wounding that still suppurates to this day.

If you have the chance to have those conversations, take the chance now. If there is something you need to say to someone say it now. If you don’t it is holding you back from moving forward. Think of it as an emotional house cleaning. When things are clean, your being feels lighter. You can relax and get more done.

When the conversation takes place, own it. In other words, use “I” statements. Own your part of the failure and don’t blame the other person. Listen mindfully and do not formulate an answer. Keep your mind and spirit open to find what new can arise from open and honest communication.

I know it’s easier to put it off until another time. Don’t do it…another time may be too late and then where will you be? So take a big breath and make the call and have the conversation. You will be glad you did.

John Mariotti

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